The following is an email that arrived in our (my colleagues' and mine) collective inboxes this morning. One of the "lifers," as I like to refer those who have made a life long career out of this place, composed these guidelines for us newbies and non-lifers alike:

From: Lifer
Sent: Friday, July 28, 2006
To: Non-Lifers & Newbies
Subject: Top Secret List

Per your request, below is a list of the Top 10 Things That Will Keep You From Getting Yelled At by retracted. I understand the rationale for some, not all, but trust me: following these guidelines will save you several trips into his office:

Do not use the logo memo pads for scrap paper

Guys: Always wear yarmulkas for advertiser meetings. Girls: Skirts

Say hi and bye to him when you arrive and leave for the day

Read the Jerusalem Post daily; Keith Kelly’s column in the NY Post on Wednesday and Fridays

Turn your cell phone ringer off during the day

If he tells you you did something wrong, don’t explain how a character flaw contributed to you messing up.

Put a title on all your emails

Answer the phones

Turn off your computer screen when you leave for the day

Act more formal to advertisers than they do to you

I unfortunately haven’t learned all the rules yet (still get called in quite a bit) but I’ll pass on more as I learn them – feel free to do the same…

Signed,

Lifer