I get some pretty entertaining emails these days. These, along with a few notable comments, are making my inevitable sacking all the more worthwhile. I thought I'd share a few lines from my greatest hits collection*. My responses are below.
1). "Dude, you should bring a BLT for lunch just to see how everyone would react."
2). "You should get a tattoo of a swastika."
3). "I'm not Jewish, but I live with a Jewish guy who is obsessed with pigs. He has a bunch of pig knick-knacks, a pig screensaver on his computer and he just got a pig tattoo'd on his left forearm. He has a tattoo of a radish on his right forearm, so he was never normal to start with..."
4). "Wear a Star of David necklace to work."
5). "Oh man. After seeing the previous post, I think you best be careful not to write on this blog during work hours. Unless you're trying to get fired and collect some unemployment. Not that the employment would amount to much, apparently."
6). "What's your name? What's the name of the magazine where you work?"
1). I'm not trying to piss people off here, nor am I trying to "shock and awe" my co-workers. If anything I'm trying to assimilate, not segregate myself.
2). So yeah, I'm not racist. Never was a big fan of the Holocaust or Hitler. Never got in on the jokes. As I explained to one of my more 'in-the-box' commenters yesterday - just because I'm not Jewish and I'm talking specifically about Jewish people does not, by any means, mean that I'm ostracizing a whole religion or culture. It's quite the opposite, actually. I'm pretty laid back when it comes to religion. I don't care what people believe and I don't get offended by people who want to discuss it (unless they want to preach, but that's a sentiment shared universally). In fact, if everyone else in the world had my attitude, there would probably be nothing going on in the Middle East right now. Either way, people who get offended easily, need not read my writing.
3). Now that would make for an excellent interview. Send me his contact info. I'd call it, "The New Jew: What You Can Expect Generation X to Bring to the [Seder] Table." I want pictures. [Note: This idea is now my property.]
4). I'm trying to assimilate, not convert.
5). While I probably will end up getting fired for this eventually, my co-workers aren't your average Gawker-reading, cosmopolitan, media-whores (but, oh, how I wish they were!) Unless someone gets hard evidence that I am the one writing this blog, I should be fine. Plus, I'm a damn good liar.
6). Nice try.
* "Greatest hits" to some people means "a collection of accomplishments over a lifetime." To me it means "feedback I've received in the last 9 days." Since I put myself in jeopardy of losing my job daily, I figure that my time frames should be viewed in dog years, anyway. You understand.