Not Chosen, Just Posin'

I just got a job with a Jewish magazine. I'm not Jewish. They think I am.


Thursday, July 20, 2006


I was afraid of Jewish women until yesterday.

A bit of background: I saw the off-broadway play Jewtopia a few nights ago (yes, yes - research). The underlying story was that a non-Jewish guy wanted to become Jewish so that he could date Jewish girls. Why did he want to date Jewish girls (this is what his Jewish friend wanted to know)? Are you crazy??? As it turns out, the misguided young goy figured that if he dated a Jewish girl he would never have to make a decision again. She'd make all of them for him. And so the stereotypes ensued.

Every Jewish stereotype you can imagine was exploited and perpetuated by these guys. (Jews are never healthy, they always complain at dinner, they are in constant contact with their parents during travel, etc...) Of course, since the play was written by two Jewish guys, it was okay that they were making these over-generalizations, but if I make them? Well then, I'm a step up from Hitler. Love it. (This is similar to a black guy having the right to call his friend a 'nigga,' but if a white guy walks up and declares, "What up, my nigga?" That fool should expect to get shot...)

Anyway, this is kind of my little disclaimer for the generalization I'm about to make about all Jewish women based on the actions of only one: Jewish girls rule!

This conclusion was made after I overheard one of my female co-workers telling another girl about the gift she just sent her long-distance boyfriend. She sent him a gardening knee-pad thing. Does he garden? Nope. He lives in a highrise. She instructed him to slip it under his couch for her to pull it out to use herself when necessary.

Look, if it doesn't work out with him, I'm single.

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