Note: I Start Tomorrow.

Real Jew: You should cook shabot dinner for the people in your office
FakeJew: When is shabot*?
Fake Jew: You have to keep me abreast of the holidays
RealJew: It starts fri night and sat night...fool
FakeJew: Really? What is the holdiay?
Real Jew: And it happens every week
FakeJew: Oh shit
FakeJew: I'm going down.

*Thanks go to A Concerned Fan , who pointed out that 'shabot' is no other than 'shabbat.' I need to form a committee of Jewish comrades who will help me out in similar times of need.