Not Chosen, Just Posin'

I just got a job with a Jewish magazine. I'm not Jewish. They think I am.


Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Cut the charade, bitch.

"Frummer than Thou" *
(Formerly Titled: OrthoJew strikes again.)

*Thanks to
Harley for the new and improved title.

I walked into The Publisher’s office this morning to talk to him about something or another. Due to the position of his desk/computer and the fact that I'm really nosy, I can't help but stare at his incoming emails as they pop up over Outlook.

As I was talking to him, I saw an email from OrthoJew pop up. I have really good eyesight, so I can easily read 10 pt. font from about 5 feet away. The subject of her email was "Yom Kippur." The Publisher is the definition of a multi-tasker, so he proceeded to open the email as we were discussing the production schedule. And, of course, I took liberty to read the email because, again, I like to know everyone's business and it was right there.

Just wanted to remind you that I won’t be here for Yom Kippur on Monday,” it read.

Well, no shit. This is the equivalent of reminding your boss that you will not be able to make it in for Christmas. I was curious as to what he would respond (or if he would even bothered) until a few minutes after I left his office, he sent out a mass email to everyone in the office, reminding them that "The office will be closed on Monday in observance of Yom Kippur." I heard a collective, “no shit” travel through the office and hoped that OrthoJew, too, caught wind of the sarcasm having resulted from her attempt at foresight.

While I don't like OrthoJew, she's not an idiot. This was a strategic email, that could only mean two things.

1). OrthoJew is a kiss ass. Perhaps she only wrote that letter to remind The Publisher that she is a good Jew. "The fact that I am a good Jew who is so excited for Yom Kippur," rationalizes OrthoJew to herself as she presses send, "will make up for the fact that I have no idea how to do my job! The Publisher will have no choice but to love my pro-active Jewish attitude!"

2). Our OrthoJew here has a bit of a control issue. For some people this would manifest in anorexia (control of food intake), and perhaps others, an overwhelming desire to reject help from others (control of responsibility). As it turns out, however, OrthoJew is not especially thin and certainly relies on others to get her job done. Her control issue simply exists in the form of her excessive bossiness. At the risk of alerting feminists the world over, I prefer skin and bones to a loudmouth and self-righteousness.

I'm going to take a stab at it and guess that it's a balanced mix of both. That OrthoJew has quite the diabolical mind. There's no telling what she's capable of.

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