Not Chosen, Just Posin'

I just got a job with a Jewish magazine. I'm not Jewish. They think I am.


Sunday, September 10, 2006

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I’ve always been intrigued by the fact that to every question, there are two opposing answers: Republican/Democrat; Black/White; Muslim/Jewish; Chicken/Egg, where each pair shares a common gray area of unknowns and similarities. People who subscribe to one over the other are subject to backing these beliefs (this is ultimately their weakness as both sides always have valid points). Those who choose to learn from both and subscribe to neither are capable of much manipulation.

I recently decided that I wanted to put up a permanent list of character descriptions for readers to refer to if they get lost in my accounts. Upon reviewing my “cast,” I realized that the members’ thereof too follow this rule of duplicity. I’ve listed the characters below in pairs to demonstrate this concept. This list will remain permanently in the sidebar.


The Publisher – The magazine has been run the same way for fifteen years. The Publisher wouldn’t change a thing. (The Status Quo)

The Publisher’s Wife – Reaps the benefits of the business’ success although she hardly contributes to it. She has risen with the tide and has followed the textbook protocol detailing what “should occur” with someone gains material riches. (Perpetuator of Stereotypes)


The Publisher’s Daughters
– Spoiled Brats, but in more words: The end product yielded when a member of the nouveau riche gives his children everything he never had, and tells them to follow his example. Yet, they are no doubt the bond keeping the publisher and his wife together. (Religion)

Detroit Sales Girl
– A new and perhaps unnecessary member of the team who was brought in under the flimsy guise of “we need representation in Detroit.” Could work to tear the Publisher and his Wife apart if my initial impression is correct. (Anti-religion; Temptation)


SuperJew – Recently quit her job when it was discovered that she and the Silent Designer were dating. Uses religion as her identity (she’s the one who ultimately declared, “I’m, like, Super Jew”). She’s the culmination of all characteristics commonly attributed to the spoiled North American Jewish girl. In other words, she’s the “JAP.” (The Rule)

OrthoJew – SuperJew’s replacement after she leaves her position at the magazine. The embodiment of the saying, “Be in the world, but not of the world,” OrthoJew is seemingly very steadfast in her beliefs and religious practices. (The Exception Thereof)


Silent Designer
– Was caught looking for a new job after having left his resume on his computer’s desktop. It was determined that the Publisher must have given him and SuperJew an ultimatum after finding out they were dating. Whoever found a job first was to leave. He is here to stay despite his hatred for the Publisher’s Wife. (Wants out)

Other Designer – Initially found the Silent Designer’s resume and would love to be in his position. Has been very proactive in showing his interest in being promoted. (Wants in)


The Secretary who Reeks of Cigarettes
– Has been with the company/family since the start. (For them)

Distributor – Uses his Judaism as leverage. Is in a never-ending argument with the publisher over raising prices. Knows that the Publisher won’t fire him because he’s the only Jewish distributor in the area. The Publisher, on the other hand, won’t condone the rate hike because he knows the Distributor is reliant on his business. (Against them)


Not Chosen – An Italian Catholic Guy (On the Outside; One Foot Out)

Just Posin’ – Posing as a Jew to work at a Jewish magazine (On the Inside; One Foot In)


The Tabloid – A mythical gossip magazine with undermined Jewish stereotypes at its helm. It would work to allow the Jewish target audience to laugh at itself, while still promoting a sense of unity. (Stereotypes, Perpetuation of Gossip)

Go-to Group of Jewish Friends – A group of Jewish friends who Not Chosen, Just Posin’ consults when he feels he has stepped in troubled waters. They let him know how far is too far (Maintaining the Sacredness that Religion Deserves)

Gray Areas:

The Girl with the Long Distance boyfriend – Is undyingly dedicated to a long distance boyfriend. Not yet a participant in much office drama.

Israeli Girl – While seemingly everyone who works at the magazine is a friend of the Publisher’s family, the Israeli Girl is definitely so. She is perhaps obtaining her Greencard through this job although that has yet to be determined.

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