Wood for the Traditionalist


Silverware for the More Modern Celebrator of 5-Year Anniversaries

A few of my co-workers stepped up to the plate this morning calling the “unidentified package” mishap at Penn Station “fucking cheesy.” I think their anger was moreover a product of them being held up at the station and late to work, but nevertheless, the old suspicious, unidentified package trick—it's getting kind of old.

Terrorists should totally come up with a new day to harass Americans. September 11th? Been there done that. It’s kind of like Valentine’s Day, where you ask yourself, “Why should I treat my lover any different today? I should treat him/her well every day!” Terrorists should view every day of the year as equal opportunity target dates. July 7th is nice. So is February 20th. What’s up with September 11th?

There hasn’t been much talk about the 5-year anniversary in the office this morning, to tell you the truth (the morning news' complete over-coverage of it was more than enough). Plus, the Israeli girl just won’t have it. None of it. For instance, The Silent Designer wore a black turtleneck to work today, and I shit you not, said, “I’m wearing this because I’m feeling sensitive about the events that took place here five years ago.” The Israeli girl lashed out saying, “My people are killed every day and have been since the beginning of time. You don’t see this media circus there. It’s called ‘life as usual!’”

It’s true and they are. He really had no argument; just his usual silence. Better that he maintain the status quo for today.

As an aside, if The Silent Designer's girlfriend, SuperJew, would have caught wind of how easily her boyfriend was stifled, there would have been quite the cat fight. Perhaps she should make him wear a WWSJD bracelet in case of similar times of need?