The best guess of the day goes to Marie Lyn Bernard, for Highlights.
I still have a job and I've been promoted to a half Jew, which is an interesting place to be (I'd like to thank the Academy for this honor). It's kind of like purgatory, but with a Jewish twist. That brings up an interesting point: now that I'm Jewish I need to know what happens when I die? Christianity offers one hell of a parting gift; what does Judaism offer me? This is very important. I might decline my promotion if the door prize sucks. You can surely understand.
But if I want to be a half Jew, can I? I mean, I'm no fencesitter, by any means, but is this even possible? Half Catholic/Half Jewish? Kind of like a religious mutt? It sounds like an exotic mix, really.