Not Chosen, Just Posin'

I just got a job with a Jewish magazine. I'm not Jewish. They think I am.


Thursday, November 09, 2006


Oh my.

The Publisher's Wife fired yet another account executive. Last time it was the girl who brought in six digits every couple months. This time it was a guy, and I have no idea how much he brought in, but the "My Husband is Banging the Account Executive Theory" is pretty much out. That's unfortunate. It's my personal favorite.

She called us into the conference room where she tried to act as if she was a rational human being and this was a legitimate corporation where business dealings are strategically planned out for the better good of the company:

"I thought I would call you in before the rumors start flying around. I had to let go of [Account Executive guy] last night. He was referring advertisers to other magazines, and as you know, that is against our non-disclosure agreement."*

Following this, she threw in a subtle threat so that we would all fear for our jobs and succumb to her "power."

"You were all required to sign these contracts when you started and we have a no tolerance policy when it comes to things like this."

As if we have policies. I signed no such contract.

After not a little investigation -- err, taking the Secretary Who Reeks of Cigarrettes for a drink after work last night and making her share her wealth of gossip with me -- I found out that the Publisher's Wife makes a habit of regularly checking our emails. She found an email sent by the ex-Account Executive wherein he referred a potential advertiser to another magazine. Upon further snooping, she found a couple others. My first reaction was that he deserved it. But, on second thought, I decided it was actually beneficial and good practice on his part to do that sorta thing if the advertiser is definitively not going to advertise with us anyway. A salesguy would never purposefully sway business. It just doesn't make sense considering it's his livelihood. Perhaps he was the only strategic one of us in the bunch? His Strategy: If we don't come off like money grubbing jerks, the advertiser will be more likely to do business with us in the future. It's just that simple.

Now we are down to just two account executives: the one who works here and the one who works in Detroit...which pretty much means just one. If anything, the one still remaining should have been fired (not in general, but if a choice absolutely had to be made between the two, he should've been axed). The Publisher's Wife clearly has no control over Detroit girl. The Publisher must have made a plea bargain with his wife on this one. Probably something similar to the age-old situation where the husband okays everything his nagging wife wants, if only he gets to watch his Monday night football. He gets just that one sacred thing in his life, and to the Publisher, this is the Detroit girl. Of course, this is all speculation, but how else am I supposed to amuse myself if not speculation? This is my sacred thing.

On another note, thankfully I don't send personal emails from my work account. I'd be gone too.

*Yes; totally wrong term. She's an idiot.

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