Not Chosen, Just Posin'

I just got a job with a Jewish magazine. I'm not Jewish. They think I am.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

"Cimmy-son, the whole world does not hate you,
just Iran and David Duke"

The following comes from Cimmy, one of my most recent converts. You see, as a Fake member of the tribe, you reap all the benefits of belonging without any of the dedication.

This very well be a case of student surpasses master. (Exhibit A: Knowing what the word shivah means and using it in context):

I've been pretending I'm Jewish at work lately. Remind me to tell you about it. Here are some snippets:

Middle-Aged Woman: Do you know what angel hair is?

Cimmy: Uh...pasta.

MAW: No, no. The Christmas decoration. Really thin, shiny....

Cimmy: Tinsel?

MAW: No, no. No attached to a garland.

Cimmy: Icicles?

MAW: No, no. I can't believe your generation doesn't know what angel hair is. What is Christmas coming to? Cimmy: I'm Jewish.

MAW: What does that have to do with anything?

Cimmy: *blank stare*

Michael, the mentally-disadvantaged clerk: Are you ready for the holidays? Are you ready for Christmas? (multiply this by eleventy hundred thousand times over the course of a day)

Cimmy: I'm Jewish, Michael.

Michael: What does that mean?

Cimmy: It means I don't celebrate Christmas.

Michael: I feel sorry for you.

Cimmy: Good. Most of the world hates me.

I think pretending to be Jewish might have advantages. "Sorry, can't come to work today. Gotta sit shivah."

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