Not Chosen, Just Posin'

I just got a job with a Jewish magazine. I'm not Jewish. They think I am.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Cheating Sees No Color, Religion

I’ve gone back and forth regarding posting about the girl in my office who is dealing with her cheating father.

Usually my conscious is pretty clear about dishing out the dirt on my co-workers, but I actually like this girl. I decided I'd go forth with the story but wouldn't tell you which coworker it is. Obviously, me giving you her fictional name wouldn’t do much in the way of helping you identify her, but every now and then I think that a reader or two might just know where I work, but are doing me the favor of keeping mum on the subject to save my ass. If so, they might also know who I work with. (Thank you, by the way, if you are doing this) Another reason I wasn’t going to post this is because I’d always heard that Jewish men were known as being faithful, so I didn’t want to burst my female readers’ collective bubble (Having sisters makes me sensitive to chicks' feelings). As it turns out, however, there are always exceptions to the rule. Sorry ladies.

Here goes. Coworker and I haven’t been talking a lot lately (not for any particular reason) but she approached me on Monday and said, “I need to tell you something personal.”

Since I’m really self-centered, I assumed that it was something “personal” about me (maybe she knew about my blog or some other office gossip?) But no, it was about her. Her mother confided in her that she thought her father was cheating. They’ve been together for 30 years now. For as long as he’s had a cell phone, he has always put it on top of the TV. Lately it hasn’t been there. Also, he’s been getting up in the middle of the night to “move the car.” For those of you who don’t live in New York City, sometimes this is necessary as one side of the street is open to parking during the day and then not open during the night. However, it would take him up to five hours to “move the car.” Mother asked daughter to figure out who the other woman was.

Now, you might be thinking that this isn’t enough to accuse someone of cheating, but if you’ve been with someone for 30 years, you pretty much know his or er routine. I mean, know his routine down to the most minute detail, such as whether he's a front to back wiper or vice versa. Coworker’s father, for instance, doesn’t have any friends. Yet, all of the sudden, he’s on the phone four or five times a day? Not likely. Then you have to factor in chicks and their detective-like intuition. When they know, they know. It’s tough to trick their intuition. Trust me, I’ve had to hear about it all my life with my sisters and my mom. Sometimes they’re so good they even know you’re going to mess up before you do it. There are tons of other indicators too: Coworker’s sister overheard Father saying, “You are the only one I love” to someone on the phone; Father said to Mother, “Why don’t we just continue living with each other and go our separate ways?” and Father’s EZ pass has racked up some significant charges over the past few months (mistress lives on Staten Island).

So, Coworker began the witch hunt by checking her father’s phone bills online, etc. She found out that the lady he’s been talking to is her sister’s husband’s mother. They’re basically related. Not only that, Coworker’s mother got the slut a job where they work…together. Coworker’s mother sees the mistress every day. If these were innocent conversations (average 45-55 minutes each), why wouldn’t Mistress mention to Mother that she had been talking to Father?

Coworker has instructed Mother not to say anything until she gets photo evidence, which she will then send out to everyone at their synagogue, not to mention friends and family. She also bought a recorder, with a recording capability of 32 hours, to stick under her father’s car seat. I commended her on her shady tactics. Didn't know she had it in her. The crack down is Saturday night. I’ll let you know.

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