Not Chosen, Just Posin'

I just got a job with a Jewish magazine. I'm not Jewish. They think I am.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

As promised, here's a list of things I like about Japs. (Read: Glorified stereotypes)

What do I like about Japs?
What is there not to like? This is probably a loaded question as many men might not share this infatuation with me. So be it; more for me.

They're not Catholic
Catholic girls are aggressive (which is good) but they're tacky and unrefined when they go about getting what they want (which is bad). They also tend to be insecure and guilt-ridden. Japs are aggressive and they treat their craft like a business deal, where 'no' is not an option. Basically, they know how to get what they want, with tact and maybe a little whining. I happen to like their whining.

Designer Clothing
I wouldn't be caught wearing a designer label, but you better believe I love when a girl is a label whore; a collage of Gucci, Prada, Manolo... Japs really come through when it comes to free advertising for the Italians.

My roommate once hooked up with the proverbial Long Island Jap. He took her home and left her in his room to use the restroom. When he returned she was completely naked, sitting on his bed, Indian style. After he dissed her, she kept on coming back for more, telling him that he would marry her one day. He then blocked her from IM, but she kept on contacting him via text message, email, etc... At first he thought she was psychotic, but she was so confident about it that he began to think that he liked her. This confidence was so appealing, in fact, that he took her back...for a whole night.

The Accent
I know that not all Japs share the Long Island/Chicago-suburb rich bitch accent, but to those who do, rock on with your bad selves. Something about these bratty vocals really turns me on, especially when the characteristic is utilized to complain about something. Like I said, the Jap knows how to get what she wants. Those who are not Jap-connoisseurs like myself probably find this accent so utterly annoying that they will do anything to get it to stop. The Jap holds the trump card yet again.

They always look good
I'm not one of those guys who cares if a girl needs two hours to get ready. The Jap most certainly requires a lot of time, but she always looks good. Would you rather have a girl who gets ready in 30 minutes but looks like crap, or a girl who spends 2 hours of her day dedicated to looking good for you? It's a total no-brainer if you ask me.

High Maintenance
Along the same lines as the above, I've heard many a guy bitch about how his girlfriend is "high maintenance" as if this is a bad thing. I, on the other hand, see it as a great thing. If a girl makes you work for her constantly, it is not necessarily because she's needy, but because she knows the value of her stock. It's all part of the "you get what you pay for" concept. Sure, I could have a girl who goes with the flow and agrees with everything I say, but that's boring. I want someone who keeps me interested.

It's fun to break them down
No matter how confident, good looking, whiny or high maintenance the Jap, you can always break her down. And when you do, it's oh so fun to watch them grovel. Make up sex with a Jap isn't too shabby either (or so I hear)(and come to think of it, it might be the only time you get cherish it).

They're unnattainable
Oh yeah, no matter how bad a "goy" like me wants to be with one, I can never have one completely (unless she's willing to dishonor thousands of years of tradition to date me...which would be really cool).

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