Not Chosen, Just Posin'

I just got a job with a Jewish magazine. I'm not Jewish. They think I am.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Good for the Jews? Why haven't my favorite Jewish websites offered a great, "Yeah, like, we totally told you so" in response to the Jesus tomb finding? Or, at least a, "Jesus was a very nice man. Nothing more, nothing less"?

Let me be the first to say it outright, since the media is pussyfooting around the situation:

The whole Jesus tomb thing, combined with the new and improved Gospel of Judas, offers more evidence to the fact that—as us Christian kids forced to attend boring church services the world over have always suspected—Christianity is a crock of …

The new implications are thus:

Jesus was not a virgin
He was having relations with Mary Magdelene
They had a kid (no immaculate conception on this one)
The Bible was the US Weekly of its time (backstabbing, convoluted relationships, sex before marriage, oh my!)

Logic has always suggested:

Mary wasn’t a virgin
Joseph is Jesus’ father. Duh.

My uncle is a theologian. One night at dinner I asked him, "So, do you really think Mary was a virgin or do you think maybe she was givin' it out like candy [to Joseph, of course] and didn't want anyone to find out?"

He laughed uncomfortably and then explained. "I used to wonder the same thing until I studied it more. There were some pretty amazing people in the Bible."

So there we have it.

My dad might backhand me across the face if he read this. I said, "For Christ's sakes," once and he almost had a heart attack.

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