Not Chosen, Just Posin'

I just got a job with a Jewish magazine. I'm not Jewish. They think I am.


Thursday, February 08, 2007

In which I attempt to get you information about New Orleans Jews and instead get a date.

Last night I was sitting at a bar, having way too many drinks* (sadly, I think many of my posts start off with this introduction), while discussing prosciutto with a guy on my left and New Orleans Jews with a girl in front of me. Prosciutto guy wanted me to introduce him to my sister (doesn’t everyone?) who works at a restaurant partially owned by Tony Hawk. I’m only namedropping here because prosciutto guy wanted nothing to do with me before I mentioned the skater.

After hearing where I worked, the New Orleans Jew, who looked more like an East Coast WASP, declared that New Orleans Jews are a different breed. I was so drunk, however, that I don’t remember her logic. Something about there not being any temples/shuls there or them not being religious.

I emailed her this morning, asking her to repeat the New Orleans Jews info for an online project I was working on and now she’s trying to con me into hanging out with her:

Me: Tell me again about Louisiana Jews? I need the info for an online project I’m working on today.

Her: What do I look like some sort of free research conduit? By me a drink and I'll think about it.

Me: Give me my info and I’ll buy you a drink.

Her: Hmmmm, I'm not sure if I'm ready to be a part of your online experience... You were thoroughly entertaining, by the way ;-) The best part of the night was, as I was sitting at the bar finishing my drink, the prosciutto guy (you remember him don't you?) walks up and asks if after tonight am I going to see you again. I told him you were a little shady but alright by me. Nothing I couldn't fix.

Me: Why did he ask you that? Was I that obnoxious? I’m going to make up stuff about New Orleans Jews. I’m not using your name. (What is your name?) j/k

Her: you want information, I want a drink...it seems we're at an impasse. In my favor this type of information is best conveyed F2F as much of the nuances will be lost via the written word in an email.

Me: Lunch tomorrow?

Her: I can't as I'm having 2, count 'em, 2 lunches tomorrow. One in-house, another with a client. Meet me at Tarralucci an Vino on E18 btwn Fifth and Broadway immediately after work and I'll tell you everything you want to know...about NOLA Jews that is.

Me: Can’t tonight. I have to watch Little Miss Sunshine with the girlfriend. Monday?

Her: Is your girlfriend coming along too? (sorry, couldn't resist) Monday it is.

Me: You are way too jealous.

Her: Jealous?!? Not really, just a smart-ass ;-) My mother warned me about guys like you.

Me: What did mum have to say about guys like me?

Her: I don't remember. Who ever listens to what their parents say? We usually do exactly the opposite anyway, hmmmm, which I think now explains everything ;-) Is that your cell number in your email footer? Don't worry I'm not going to start calling you. I like the safe distance of email. Gotta run into a mtg. If you change your mind about a quick after work drink let me know.


*By "way too many drinks," I mean that I woke up this morning wearing yesterday’s clothes, minus—thankfully—my shoes

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