I’m retiring this blog and this job. I’ve accepted a position with another company and I’m here only until the end of the week. Giving a two-week notice is for pushovers.

I realize that it’s a sad day for Fake Jews everywhere. I didn’t even get to sit in on a Seder dinner. I’ve still got a yarmulke, though, so let me know if you need me to fill in.

I was going to do a FAQ here, but I’m too lazy. Plus, the main questions I get are these:

Q: Are you an anti-Semite?
A: Yawn.

Q: What’s your name?
A:

Q: Where do you work?
A:

Q: Why are you such a self-promoting asshole?
A:

Q: Can I give you a blow job in the back of a cab?
A: Totally.

Anyway, it was fun. I learned a lot. I’m still writing the novel [would like to write non-fiction but would hate to get sued for slander] and getting down to the roots of the whole “Jewish as a religion or an ethnicity” argument. My methods are, of course, dubious, but pretty interesting if you’re into that stuff. And if you are into that stuff, sign up for updates on the green box to the right. Email me if you want. That means you, Emily Gould at Gawker. Last I checked you were going to let me feel you up. Max at the Post: You can out me at some point.

In my next incarnation I’ll be a failed Jewish editor who somehow scored a high-paying job at an advertising agency by lying about his experience and giving false references. Or maybe this is me. You never know with these things. Stay tuned.