Not Chosen, Just Posin'

I just got a job with a Jewish magazine. I'm not Jewish. They think I am.

Thursday, March 15, 2007


A while back our very own strict religionist mentioned how she thought that humans should fulfill their exercise regimens by hunting and gathering. Now she has confessed that while she’s still not willing to buy a gym membership, she is working out daily to the exercise channel. “How do you get your cardio?” “I do Tae Bo with Billy Blanks.”

The associated imagery is painful.

…has been very depressed lately. Reason being, he came up with his best invention yet, only to realize that it has already been invented. He was really tired at work one day and had this idea to have places where you can go and sleep during your lunch break. They would be cleaned after each use and you could buy a yearly membership, guaranteeing you, the customer, a quick nap whenever you need to recharge. The Silent Designer, who spent some time in Korea, informed him that they had those over there. OrthoJew added that there is such a place in the Empire State Building as well. They’re called “Sleeping Pods.”

The SmellyDesigner
Speaking of inventions, one of the SmellyDesigner's friends came up with a new product: Can' A Bliss. It's weed-scented fragrance spray. Because, you know, why wouldn't you want to smell like weed? Duh.

In other smelly news, the Silent Designer reported that the Smelly one rolled her chair over to his desk the other day to ask him a question. Upon taking a wiff of her musky aura, the Silent Designer claims to having almost puked on the spot. “What are you, some kind of hippy?” He asked her. Not bashful at all, she told him that marketers have conned Americans into thinking that they need deodorant when, really, the body eliminates the smell naturally if you give it the chance. “Your body hasn’t eliminated any smell.” He responded. Smelly and OrthoJew should really compare notes/philosophies.

The Publisher’s Wife…
…is getting sued by the Account Executive she fired last year. Despite being dismissed for no good reason, the ex-sales girl is claiming that the Publisher’s Wife put her in physical harm.

The Publisher…
…is getting sued by a slew of freelancers who haven’t been paid

…am looking for a new job.

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