Not Chosen, Just Posin'

I just got a job with a Jewish magazine. I'm not Jewish. They think I am.


Thursday, August 10, 2006


In a strange turn of events, SuperJew marched into the publisher's office this morning, closed the door and gave him her few-week notice. It is assumed by witnesses that one of her Hollywood contacts finally came through for her and offered her a job that doesn't suck. Sources say that she got a job as a journalist with a TV network. I'll continue bringing you the updates as they arrive. This is all happening as we speak.

Relevant interviews reveal that the publisher isn't fazed a bit. In fact, he wanted to let her go because, and I quote, "I never knew what the hell she was doing anyhow." Evidently she was not producing articles as fast as the other staff writers and her ideas flat out sucked. You might recall that she wasn't necessarily a visionary either, providing a California publication with her opinion that iPods would never replace Cds. Sucker.

So, why didn't the publisher get rid of her a long time ago?

I'd say that's a fair question. I candidly interviewed the older secretary who reeks of cigarettes, seeing as how she's been here since the beginning. She told me that the publisher didn't fire SuperJew because she was Jewish. Wait, what? Everyone here is Jewish.

"Yep, he's never fired anyone. Most of these people are sons or daughters of family friends."

It's good to know that I was hired based on merit. I feel used. Used for my Judaism! Wink. (Now I know how you girls who are hired for your looks feel: Dirty, confused, taken advantage of... I kind of like it).

As much as I dislike the hag, it will be sad to see her go. After all, I had huge plans for her in this here blog. She would've provided me with more false predictions than a Jehovah's Witness craving the end of the world; more name-dropping than a guy from New Jersey trying to get into an NYC nightclub, and more drama than a stage on 42nd and Broadway. With a mouth like that, she could have been a star. A star, I say! Let's just hope that her replacement is equally disturbing, demented and uselessly useful.

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