Not Chosen, Just Posin'

I just got a job with a Jewish magazine. I'm not Jewish. They think I am.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

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SuperJew is almost as cool as this chick. Almost.

Updates from that show, The Hills, are giving me a headache this morning.

"Lauren's such a dumbass. I can't believe she would give up an internship with Teen Vogue to stay the summer with a guy who cheated on her.”

“Well, at least he said that he would support her no matter what her decision is.”

“He has to say that. It’s, like, protocol.”

Then SuperJew, self-righteously (for this is the way of SuperJew), “Oh, come on, she’s always been like that. It was obvious she was going to stay.”

SuperJew is from L.A. and seems to think she’s got the inside scoop on everything going on in the film/television industry. She calls celebrities by their first names and tries to be nonchalant when discussing someone that everyone else is mesmerized by. Kind of a “been there done that” attitude. Yawn. I’d hate to remind her that if she was as “in” as she thinks, she probably wouldn’t be working at this dive. If only I could jump into a time capsule back over to Tuesday and take over the explanation of “J.A.P.” to the Israeli girl. I’d simply say, “SuperJew is a J.A.P.” I’m sure I’d gain at least a glimpse of recognition this time around.

I found out that SuperJew is a freelance writer for one of my favorite magazines, so—jealous—I Googled her and stumbled upon some stupid quote she gave a Santa Barbara publication back in 2002. It was something about iPods not having an ice cube’s chance in hell of replacing c.d. players. Evidently she’s not as much of an insider in the technology world as she is in the Hollywood one.

Seeing as how she’s basically a Los Angeles A-lister, her brilliant idea for an article was to incorporate her industry expertise to a poll comparing what Jews and non-Jews think about Mel Gibson. “It will be, like, the mag’s own kind of Gallup poll, but not.” I vote for not.

Are you serious? We’re a monthly magazine. This story will be old news by the time we come out with the next issue. In fact, it was old news as of Tuesday. I vetoed her idea right away. She looked at me as if to say, “This is war, asshole [you don’t know who my daddy is].” I told her that I could write her story right now: Jews hate him. Christians would still see his movies. Who cares?

This made me think though that the magazine should have a blog, where we can actually break news daily if need be. Otherwise, we can use it as a medium for bitching about and discussing things that are going on in the Jewish community, like, for instance, that guy who’s going around pretending he’s a Jew in order to keep a bad job.

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