Not Chosen, Just Posin'

I just got a job with a Jewish magazine. I'm not Jewish. They think I am.


Friday, December 08, 2006


Not one of these qualifies as breaking news on its own, but all combined, they make semi-breaking news. Well, semi-breaking news that wouldn't be newsworthy in, say, July, but since it's December, anything goes...

1. First of all, OrthoJew revealed that she has a very Christian brother and sister-in-law. Not a big deal whatsoever, but interesting nevertheless. As a few of us decided over dinner last night (as if we're some kind of official committee on these things), that since all religions do seem to share the same origins, these incidences aren't, by any means, out of the norm. Still, I proposed that her position as the Grinches' fearless leader is perhaps a subconcious means of lashing out at her Christ-lovin' bro (who, she mentioned, won't step foot into Nevada due to all of the sinning that's taking place).

2. My parents don't know I work here. Have I mentioned that? They don't take a huge active interest in my work life, so I just said I worked at a community magazine and no questions were asked, besides, "How's work?" Why didn't I tell them? Well, they are a bit touchy about certain things. I imagine this would be one of those things. A while back I mentioned to them that I wanted to marry one of my foreign friends so that she could get her greencard and they berated me for "mocking the institution of marriage." As you know they're Catholic and marriage is one of those untouchable subjects (along with condoms and little boys). I can only imagine what they'd say if they knew what I was up to now.

Anyway, since they don't know, they didnt' think twice when they sent me their annual "Christmas Gift Request" template. Basically, they send me a fill-in-the-blank form for gift requests every year (As I said, I clean up at Christmas). It contains different categories such as "technology," "home decor," "gift certificates," etc. This year they paired it with the Vienna Boys Choir's rendition of "Silent Night." Nice touch.

I didn't realize what it was, so I opened it in all it's green and red and loud glory, for the whole office to see/hear. After receiving a few, what-the-hell-is-that's?, I closed it, citing, "My friend's annual holiday letter. They use it as a means of bragging about their accomplishments." That's a whole other story though.

3. Tis the season for people to be too lazy and inconsiderate to walk out of the office and smoke in the cold. Now they're doing it in the bathroom. I can only imagine who the culprit is.

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