Have you ever had the opportunity to meet your favorite author? I did on Friday night. This is how it went:
Me: Do you have a sharpie?
Gary: I don't even know what that is. Like a magic marker?
Me: Yes. You see, I own both of your books. I spent $27 on "Absurdistan" but I just found out about this reading an hour before it started, so I couldn't bring either with me. Anyway, I have "Absurdistan" on Audiobook and I want you to sign my iPod.
Gary: You want me sign your iPod?
Me: Yes, but clearly you don't have a sharpie. By the way, I invited you for drinks and you never wrote back. I know you saw my invitation. You google yourself.
Gary: I did? I do? You invited me to drinks? That's very nice of you.
Here I realize that, since Gary didn't have a Sharpie, I would need an alternative to the iPod. I pulled out my building pass from my interview with the recruiter.
Me: Can you make it out to "Not Chosen, Just Posin'?"
Gary: (Laughs). How do I spell that? Is it C-H-O-S-I-N?
Me: No, not at all. Chosen, with an "E." I read your interview with Modern Drunkard. I don't think we should drink that much when we hang out.
Gary: I loved that interview.
Me: Me too. I love interviews that have nothing to do with the topic at hand. Like when Dave Eggers interviewed Jack White from the White Stripes and talked about carpentry the whole time.
This is where the agent grabbed me and dragged me out of the book store. He knew I had way too much to drink and alerted me to the fact that Gary was definitely not going to have drinks with me.
"Oh, ye of little faith," I rebutted. "He will and when he does, you're not invited."
"Okay, nevermind. I want to come."