Not Chosen, Just Posin'

I just got a job with a Jewish magazine. I'm not Jewish. They think I am.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

I don't know why people always offer disclaimers ("I know this is lame, but..." "It's slow here today, so...") before posting a list of Google search terms that brought readers to their respective sites.

I happen to love reading these posts and seeing what weird crap people are Googling. On that note, I've had several Google searches bring readers to the site as of late. It's not a slow day, I just enjoy this. Here's my recent list plus remarks:

How to Celebrate Chrismas [sic]
My first reaction to this was, "What kind of jackass doesn't know how to mock-pray, eat and open presents?" Then I realized that if someone asked me how to celebrate Hannukah or Ramadan, I'd be Googling those for an answer too. I'm so diplomatic.

Looking for a husband
I should really implement an online dating arm to this blog. I mean, the Manwhore is receiving emails here now and I've received some provacative offers myself. Singles could pretend they're attending some kind of online author reading (ahem, reading my drivel), meet on the comment boards and then email me if they want me to set them up. From there, I would review pictures and backgrounds to see if they make a good match. The best part of all is that it only costs you, the reader, $50.

Shiksas for practice
This is a crowd favorite and I've seen it a couple times. Is this phrase becoming a cliche? Or, did it already become so a while back and I just wasn't aware of it?

Bagels and nova portion needed per person
This person strikes me as very thoughtful. I worked at a bagel shop in one of my past lives and I remember having to weigh the stuff out, but I don't remember how much. Anyone?

Where to buy a yarmulkah?
According to
Annie, there's a good place on the Upper West Side. I think it's on Broadway in the 80s or 90s. If you're not in New York, I've got no idea.

Does anyone care that natalie portman is Jewish and Isreali?
I don't know that anybody necessarily cares, per se, but I'm sure Jewish guys are happy that their fantasies are at least kosher.

Chicken skin if I remember correctly. Yummy when mixed with schmaltz, according to Aaron of the Go-To Group. He promised to make it for me, but never has. I figure he feels a little akward cooking for me, but I told him I wasn't looking for a serious relationship. Just a little on the side...

Scarlett Johansonn's Jewish identity
We've got tons of posts on this (by "tons," I mean two). I've made an executive decision on the matter though: She's not Jewish unless she practices. Sorry guys, I know you want to include her as a member of the tribe, but if the chick can't even admit it, it's a no go.

Scarlett Post #1

Scarlett Post #2

Non-kosher menorah
I didn't know menorahs could be kosher (or not).

Briss celebration
To this day, my friends make comments to the effect that I'm a dumbass for not knowing what a briss is.

Bobby Flay Jewish?
If my site is the only one that had this word combination on it, I'd say the answer's an affirmative Roman Catholic.

Hasidic Wenches
This has to fall into the 'weird fetishes' category. I've received similar searches in the past.

Those Horrible Jews
I couldn't help myself on this one. The IP address associated with this search happened to have the company's name attached to it, so I google that to find that it was a Jewish-owned company. We either have a self-hating Jewish man here or someone who can't stand his/her Jewish boss. I guess the only other option is that the Jewish guy was gauging the amount of anti-Semitism on the internet by using provocative search terms.

Sephardic Hannukah
Interesting. Since my boss is Sephardic and, for all intents and purposes, so am I, please do tell what the celebratory differences are if you find a good site.

Guys caught on video with a guy
I'm ashamed to even admit that this brought someone to my site, but, sigh, it is indeed true.

Women don't wear kippot
Au contraire, my friend. Sometimes they

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